Kebabs
A few people have been putting up their Chinese horrorscopes recently, so I thought I'd find out a bit more.
It seems I'm a (hoary old) goat.
Now, you may be thinking that it's not so bad to be a goat. We're creative types, after all, and apparently esoteric too. Had I not decided to be a writer, I might have made a good teacher of New Age Hokum. Us goats are fairly disorganised, which I can go with, and seemingly not much motivated by material things, which I can't. I like things. Lots of things. Expensive things.
With our silly little beards, we are insecure, worried, sensitive and highly strung. We're prone to bouts of anxiety over trivial little things, but we are sensitive and generous lovers. Apparently we are most suited to pigs and rabbits, which I find ever so slightly alarming. But it could have been worse. It could have been monkeys*.
There is a problem, however, as there always is with these things. There's more to Chinese Horror than your animal. There is also your element. And my element is fire.
This means I have a fierce charm, impulsive enthusiasm and restless emotions. I'm a natural leader, capable of seeing straight to the heart of the matter, and unlikely to be swayed in my convictions by the arguments of others. People, apparently, can't help but be drawn to me (though I'll admit I haven't exactly been beating them off with a shitty stick of late).
I am, in short, confused. But then you all knew that anyway.
One thing that worries me though, is the more obvious connection between my animal and my element. Nothing ever good came of crossing a goat with fire.
That is, unless you like yours served in a warm pitta, with raw onion salad, chilli and garlic sauce.
Mmmm.
* actually, The Horse Doctor is a monkey, but I wouldn't tell her to her face.
It seems I'm a (hoary old) goat.
Now, you may be thinking that it's not so bad to be a goat. We're creative types, after all, and apparently esoteric too. Had I not decided to be a writer, I might have made a good teacher of New Age Hokum. Us goats are fairly disorganised, which I can go with, and seemingly not much motivated by material things, which I can't. I like things. Lots of things. Expensive things.
With our silly little beards, we are insecure, worried, sensitive and highly strung. We're prone to bouts of anxiety over trivial little things, but we are sensitive and generous lovers. Apparently we are most suited to pigs and rabbits, which I find ever so slightly alarming. But it could have been worse. It could have been monkeys*.
There is a problem, however, as there always is with these things. There's more to Chinese Horror than your animal. There is also your element. And my element is fire.
This means I have a fierce charm, impulsive enthusiasm and restless emotions. I'm a natural leader, capable of seeing straight to the heart of the matter, and unlikely to be swayed in my convictions by the arguments of others. People, apparently, can't help but be drawn to me (though I'll admit I haven't exactly been beating them off with a shitty stick of late).
I am, in short, confused. But then you all knew that anyway.
One thing that worries me though, is the more obvious connection between my animal and my element. Nothing ever good came of crossing a goat with fire.
That is, unless you like yours served in a warm pitta, with raw onion salad, chilli and garlic sauce.
Mmmm.
* actually, The Horse Doctor is a monkey, but I wouldn't tell her to her face.
Comments
Probably has something to do with butchering slabs, sharp knives and blood-letting. But that's any horror, not just Chinese.