Slow day

I hate filling in forms. There's something about writing in block capitals that makes my handwriting even more illegible than it usually is, and I always find the questions make erroneous assumptions without leaving space to correct them.

Right now, I'm trying to satisfy the bureaucracy put in place to stop those naughty criminals from using guns as I renew my shotgun and firearm certificates, and I must say that if I was a gangsta, I'd certainly think twice about embarking on a life of crime with the police already knowing so much about me, and in triplicate. It surely is a deterrent to firearm misuse. Oh yes.

But one question, number four on both application forms, bothers me mightily. It goes thus:

If you have at any time used a name other than those quoted at 2 and 3 above please give details - if not write NONE

On the face of it this seems fair enough, though I would think actors might find it hard to fit the names of all their characters into the little box provided for an answer. But I was not so much worried about thespians as concerned for the very small number of people in this country with the surname None, and in particularly the daughters of the family, who will likely change their names when they marry. Imagine the confusion when they apply for shotgun or firearm certificates and come to this question.