Well, that was bound to happen

Nothing I find on the internet surprises me anymore, but just every now and then something twitches a wry grin onto my lips and makes me breathe out through my nose. Not a belly-laugh roll on the floor and poke my eyes out (or whatever the acronym is) moment of hilarity, but a lift to an otherwise humdrum day nevertheless.

And so it was this morning when I went to check my web stats. They're nothing earth-shattering, I have to admit. Time was I got somewhere between fifty and a hundred hits a day on this site, but that was when blogging was the thing, and people weren't turning their brains to mush on Twitty and Faecebook. Nowadays I'm lucky to get that many waifs and strays wandering here by mistake every couple of weeks. And when they do come here, this is what they're looking for:

It amazes me that people are still desperate to make plum brandy, but that's the power of booze for you. I've hardly touched the stuff I made, so if you come here looking for yet another recipe, here's my advice: make a pie instead.

Searching for information about Perth Royal Infirmary outpatients is a sensible enough use of the world's favourite internet search engine, but I'm not quite sure that picking a blog called Sir Benfro out of the ensuing results shows much in the way of intelligence. Perhaps better to start with nhs.gov.uk or something.

windmill erection+sweden sounds like the work of an engineer. Someone with a tidy mind who knows what they're looking for and just needs a little help. I'm not sure what momentary aberration caused them to come here; it's not really important. They would have found some pretty pictures, I'm sure. And if they come back, well - this is where you were trying to get to.

And then there's 'lil bro got an erection'. I don't really want to know what persuaded someone to type this into google, and yet somehow I can't help myself speculating. Was this the first time lil bro got overexcited? What was it that gave him his trouser bulge? What was he doing running around showing it to all the family? And is it big bro who's run to the interweb for help or big sis? For that matter, what help did they expect to find from google? Or is this some weird new sexual fetish that I'm not aware of? Not that I'm aware of many weird sexual fetishes, you understand, but you can't wander these electronic halls without stumbling upon the occasional example of mankind's perverse inventiveness. 

It quite baffles me.


swallowtail said…
Having never been able to install a counter, or anything like that, though believe me I have tried, it is curious that the plum brandy is so popular. Not really. I too, thought that was a fun, well written, funny post.

I once wrote about elderberries and people urged me to make wine. Maybe we fantasize that these romantic ingredients will take us back to our faery roots.

Mmmm. Plum brandy, elderberry wine and little brother erections.

might be a novel hiding in here.

Popular Posts